Weird Body: Mark Teixeira's Facial Expressions

The people have spoken and this person has listened - PHS returns with another installment of Weird Body.  In the inaugural post on Post Hype Sleeper, we paid homage to the, uhhh, peculiar shape of Placido Polanco's head. This episode features the visage of Yankee first baseman Mark Charles Teixeira. Tex, as his teammates call him, hails from Maryland, played college ball in Georgia, and was drafted by the Texas Rangers.**  Mark has also been blessed (TYBG) with only two true facial expressions: overt, naked happiness and unequivocal, unambiguous fear. Everything else is merely a shade of grey along the continuum of this dichotomy. Come join me as we embark along Tex's (pronounced te-sh-es) well-emotioned face.

Pregame Mark is a jovial caricature of himself. See how he deploys the old "super glue the ball to the tip of your finger" trick? You fooled me Tex!

Positioned at the absolute center of bliss and angst, Mark is displaying his "Blue is Teal" pose he learned from Derek Zoolander.

Mark is more than a little scared of Reggie - but who isn't?

"Why is a person standing on that dirt hill? OMG OMG OMG HE'S LOOKING AT ME! You - in the armor! Gimme your mask! This guy looks like he's got something in his hand!"

AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH hethrewithethrewithethrewit ohmygosh ican'tdothis iwantmymommy

**PHEW! I was beginning to think his nickname was just another derivative of the first-initial-followed-by-the-first-syllable-of-the-lastname nickname. Oh? It's just a shittier version of that? Okay carry on.

Weird Body: Placido Polanco's Head

Some of this readership will surely find our inaugural post perlexing as it contains neither a “post hype” nor a “sleeper” player. Nayeth, I decree, we of POSTHYPESLEEPER bring forth this new blog with an ode to everyone's favorite Hasbro™ toy – Mr. Potato Head himself, Placido Polanco. When I think of how little attention Placido's bulbous, starchy cranium has garnered over the years I shudder knowing some little boy hasn't been traumatized by the eerily spudlike shadow it casts in the dog days of summer. Here's to you, Placido Polanco.

Here we find senor cazeba de patata in his natural habitat, mingling with his fellow tubers.

It's such a wonderful day for a hot air balloon ride-OH MY GOD GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE WE'RE ALL DEAD!

You get the point*

*Author's note: No modification was done to the shape of Mr. Polanco's head. It really is just an upside-down potato.