Break It Down: MIKE TROUT IS A MAN. HE'S 20.

"If he's not the best player in the game by the end of this season, he will be by the end of next season."

ESPN's Buster Olney dropped this gem on us last Friday, quoting an anonymous veteran talent evaluator's assessment of Angels rookie Mike Trout, setting off a Twitter firestorm. 

Superlatives aside, we cannot ignore the great monster season that the Salvelinus of Swat is having in Anaheim. The numbers aren't obvious -- he doesn't have 20 home runs or 20 stolen bases (not yet) -- but his impact is undeniable. The Angels sat at a disappointing 6-14 before Trout was called up to the Bigs. With Trout atop the lineup (and this Pujols guy finally coming around), the Angels have since gone 18-11. 

Trout in the leadoff spot is a nightmare for pitchers facing an Albert Pujols led offense. Heading into tonight's game, Trout is seeing 4.26 pitches per plate appearance, placing him at 16th in the league (minimum 100 AB). He's grasped the concept of leadoff hitter early, working deep counts, not chasing pitches off the plate. Trout holds a .367 on-base percentage, and once he's on base, he's running. Trout is now 8/10 in stolen bases, numbers which might even be modest at this point, as the same veteran talent evaluator quoted by Olney echoed sentiments that Trout may very well be the "fastest player in the game."

Speed isn't the only important element in Trout's game, of course. Living up to the 5-Tool hype, Trout holds a .491 slugging percentage, good enough for third among all rookies (behind fellow wunderkind Bryce Harper and Cardinals slugger Matt Carpenter). Eleven of his 32 hits are of the extra base variety, including four home runs.  You don't want to put Trout on base, but you also can't give in over the plate. Basically, he'll punish you either way. 

When Trout puts it all together, he has a day like this:

In case you missed it, let's take a look at that infield single:

(via SB Nation)

Right now, even in the instances when Trout doesn't hit a line drive, he's making up for it with his extraordinary wheels. In the Majors and Minors combined, Trout owns a career .383 BABIP. While a high BABIP (batting average on balls in play) usually indicates a a certain amount of luck for hitters, Trout, like Ichiro before him, records high BABIP numbers thanks to his ability to put the ball in play and run like a bat out of hell. If he continues to put up BABIP numbers like this, he'll be number two all time, sitting right above none other than Ty Cobb.

Trout isn't elite at everything. According to Tater Trot Tracker, he doesn't run the bases too fast or too slow when he hits home runs. He's very average. Adam Rosales isn't impressed.

A lot of baseball remains to be played in 2012, but if Trout stays consistent, the Angels will look like a dark horse team entering the playoffs. Not only is he the future of the franchise, he might be their most important player right now, playing the indispensable Kato to Albert Pujols' very expensive Britt Reid/Green Hornet. All of this coming from a guy who was born only two months before Marky Mark and Funky Bunch took over the Billboard charts.

Ladies and gentlemen, Mike Trout is a man. He's 20.

Another PHS Break It Down analysis from Perez Neifi and Trill Buckner.

Tony Campana: In Before The Lock

Weird Body: Mark Teixeira's Facial Expressions

The people have spoken and this person has listened - PHS returns with another installment of Weird Body.  In the inaugural post on Post Hype Sleeper, we paid homage to the, uhhh, peculiar shape of Placido Polanco's head. This episode features the visage of Yankee first baseman Mark Charles Teixeira. Tex, as his teammates call him, hails from Maryland, played college ball in Georgia, and was drafted by the Texas Rangers.**  Mark has also been blessed (TYBG) with only two true facial expressions: overt, naked happiness and unequivocal, unambiguous fear. Everything else is merely a shade of grey along the continuum of this dichotomy. Come join me as we embark along Tex's (pronounced te-sh-es) well-emotioned face.

Pregame Mark is a jovial caricature of himself. See how he deploys the old "super glue the ball to the tip of your finger" trick? You fooled me Tex!

Positioned at the absolute center of bliss and angst, Mark is displaying his "Blue is Teal" pose he learned from Derek Zoolander.

Mark is more than a little scared of Reggie - but who isn't?

"Why is a person standing on that dirt hill? OMG OMG OMG HE'S LOOKING AT ME! You - in the armor! Gimme your mask! This guy looks like he's got something in his hand!"

AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH hethrewithethrewithethrewit ohmygosh ican'tdothis iwantmymommy

**PHEW! I was beginning to think his nickname was just another derivative of the first-initial-followed-by-the-first-syllable-of-the-lastname nickname. Oh? It's just a shittier version of that? Okay carry on.

Shoulda Yelled Two: Inge Scores 3x Bonus Points on HR

Brandon Inge's Sunday night home run took the most (un)fortunate of bounces, ricocheting off of at least three people in the Tampa crowd. The primary victim not only gets the Matt Holliday treatment, but the ball continues on to hit his female companion POW right in the kisser. Take a look:


via Busted Coverage

Bryce Harper: Accurate. Fancy. Tom Emanski

via Chad Moriyama

Everything in my life sucks right now

John Lackey famously declared following a May 11th, 2011 performance allowing nine runs. It never got better for Lackey; he strained his elbow in that performance; he came back and still pitched terribly; he divorced his wife; he was labeled as the ringleader in the chicken n' beer clubhouse scandal; AND he had Tommy John surgery in the off-season. IT ONLY GETS WORSE JOHN. His TJ opened the door for a clause at the end of his contract. The Red Sox hold a team option for 2015 paying Lackey the league minimum if he missed time from elbow surgery. All I know is I will be buying as much stock in KFC and Anheuser-Busch come ~June 2015. In the year 2015, Daisuke Matsuzaka will look just like Antonio Alfonseca (having grown the 6th finger after experimental stem cell treatment), Clay Buchholz will be throwing 80 MPH trying to emulate Daniel Bard's lazy arm action, and David Ortiz will still be putting up .300/30/100 (that's three out of ten times he makes it to the bathroom before he shits his pants, 30 games as the designated hitter, and 100 games as the designated driver for the starting rotation).

Right now is the least of your worries Mr. Lackey.

Bryce Harper: Wonderful Magician

Sartorial Baseball: A.J. Pierzynski's All-Gator Nike PEs

A.J. Pierzynski is a memorable baseball player. Some will remember him for getting punched in the face by Michael Barrett. Some will remember him for kneeing the Giants trainer, Stan Conte, square in the nether regions. Most will remember him as a hard working, gritty catcher that pissed off the majority of fan bases around the league (at least 29, and sometimes all 30).

At 35 years old, Pierzynski is in the twilight of his career, expected to wrap up his White Sox tenure as a veteran mentor. Instead of handing over the job to prospect Tyler Flowers, however, A.J. is having one of the best starts of his career (typical A.J.).

If there's one thing we associate with Pierzynski, it's cold game, so it's only right that he wears these fly gator shoes. A huge Florida Gators fan, Pierzynski had his new Nike Air Huarache 2KFresh cleats done up in a unique, all-over "gator" pattern on the upper. Additionally, the sometimes professional wrestler gets a championship belt with his logo placed on the ankle strap.

Forearm bash to Sole Collector